Small update

Been getting kinda unmotivated and tired lately, can't seem to focus on doing anything useful. But I've been trying to do some tests on lighting in Lux:

Still pretty green so it took me quite awhile to figure out the atmosphere setup. But I guess this will come in handy later on.

zzz...

Ugh, so sleepy... But I've managed to finish this for Moody:

I always wanted to cuddle up with a certain big, monstrous guy, then fall asleep on him while being held firmly :3

*yawns

Now comes the great challenge, a render to celebrate the 5k views on FA. But... eyes can't open...

Hitting the low notes

..again. At least it doesn't cause any major breakdown, but it did make me feel very unmotivated and disappointed at myself.

Been doing some more stuff for Moody. However with this current state I'm at, I don't think I can finish it within this week or anything.



Not to mention there are several renders that I want to try out, plus the 5k view mark on FA, bah. Thinking about it just made me feel nervous and all. Why can't I be normal for once?

Magnets...

How do they work??? @o@

Maybe it's just me but I always wonder why not many people make/conform clothes for these smexy monstrous dudes. Sure that nude is good, but imo clothes sometimes can make them look even more better (it's not all about sex).

Could be me being new, but making conformable clothes for those models are hella tedious and time-consuming. Perhaps I'll use other 3D modelling programs to help me with this task in the future, instead of fiddling with Poser's magnets and morph tool :S

I've been looking at my old stuff and realised that I have promised so many things but never been able to deliver it. So, here it is, finally finished a scrap that I made awhile ago.

Here's the scrap, back in... 2012

I made a poll and people voted for them doing some frotting together. Here's the result:

Tell me what you think.

Off my lazy, depressive butt

And work on some renders again.

This time I finally managed to finish the X-mas 2013 gift for BlackHowler:

The idea behind this: everytime when ppl look at him, ppl will think of him as a big, bad wuff. And I dunno why, but I always want to poke around that kind of character, make fun of them, doing something totally off their outlook.
BlackHowler once told me that he likes the beefy Rhino that I rendered awhile ago so that explains the appearance of Rhino-boy.

So imagine one day, before X-mas, puppy is sleepin' near his cozy fireplace, then rhino sneaks up over and put some antlers on his head just to make him look silly :3

Also I've been doing more experiments on Reality / LuxRender. They sure take a lot of time to be rendered but the quality isn't all that bad. I just love the IBL usage of Lux, makes everything so much easier.

But still, I can't draw cum for shit :\

The Journey Begins

So... I'll be going to Stockholm in the next few hours. Then continue down to Slovenia for a certain someone ;)

Hope things went well.. but eh, I wouldn't complain if the plane crashes or I get murdered or anything lol.

Meh

Way to start a new year, by being full-blown depressed and shit. Great right? Well it's not like there's anyone reading this shit anyway, so fuck it.

It started getting worse since yesterday, around New Year's Eve. For some reason I started feeling rather lonely, then tired, unmotivated. Couldn't even finished a picture which should have been done for X-mas because I was being so fucking unmotivated and lazy. Then looking at ppl's art summary even made it worse because I just can't make anything useful. Yeah some would say don't push too hard but I can't just be a fucking ignorant and think highly on all the shit I've made, because they're really shit. Watching ppl enjoying the night even made it worse because I couldn't do the same, even though I tried, I really tried. I just didn't know how or why. Then I got really tired and crashed into bed at midnight.

So I decided to start a new day with a small gaming session with the game that I always have trouble playing: The Witcher. It's like the 10th time that I tried to play the game. And as usual, I can never sit for over 30 minutes. I don't know why but there's something about the game that I just cannot get. Every time I play it, it feels like I'm getting some sort of emotional abuse. I have read guides, browse for threads and reasons/tips on how to enjoy TW1 but they never seem to work for me. And I don't know what's wrong with me. I loved Morrowind and Dragon Age: Origins, how come I can't enjoy this one. I've heard good things about TW series and what CDProjektRed is doing, but I just can't get this. Some would say "stop playing then" but then I'll get tortured by my own fucking brain over the things that I "hear" in my head, like I just fucking sucks and cannot value great games, piece of shit etc etc.. I don't want to give up but it just feels so fucking horrible trying to do something like this.

Right now I'm feeling terrified over everything around me. Every time someone stands behind me, I get the feeling like they're looking at the laptop's screen, laughing at me or mocking me for being such a shit head. I know it's not real, but I can't help it when I keep seeing and hearing things all over. I just want to be put in a box, with no one inside, just me and me alone, no sound, no light, no air.

I just want this to be over.. I wish if I can just die and make ppl happy about it.

So I have survived 2013, now onto 2014. Another torture session begins.

Please, make it stop. Because I can't.