So... I'll be going to Stockholm in the next few hours. Then continue down to Slovenia for a certain someone ;)
Hope things went well.. but eh, I wouldn't complain if the plane crashes or I get murdered or anything lol.
Saturday, 4 January 2014
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
Meh
Way to start a new year, by being full-blown depressed and shit. Great right? Well it's not like there's anyone reading this shit anyway, so fuck it.
It started getting worse since yesterday, around New Year's Eve. For some reason I started feeling rather lonely, then tired, unmotivated. Couldn't even finished a picture which should have been done for X-mas because I was being so fucking unmotivated and lazy. Then looking at ppl's art summary even made it worse because I just can't make anything useful. Yeah some would say don't push too hard but I can't just be a fucking ignorant and think highly on all the shit I've made, because they're really shit. Watching ppl enjoying the night even made it worse because I couldn't do the same, even though I tried, I really tried. I just didn't know how or why. Then I got really tired and crashed into bed at midnight.
So I decided to start a new day with a small gaming session with the game that I always have trouble playing: The Witcher. It's like the 10th time that I tried to play the game. And as usual, I can never sit for over 30 minutes. I don't know why but there's something about the game that I just cannot get. Every time I play it, it feels like I'm getting some sort of emotional abuse. I have read guides, browse for threads and reasons/tips on how to enjoy TW1 but they never seem to work for me. And I don't know what's wrong with me. I loved Morrowind and Dragon Age: Origins, how come I can't enjoy this one. I've heard good things about TW series and what CDProjektRed is doing, but I just can't get this. Some would say "stop playing then" but then I'll get tortured by my own fucking brain over the things that I "hear" in my head, like I just fucking sucks and cannot value great games, piece of shit etc etc.. I don't want to give up but it just feels so fucking horrible trying to do something like this.
Right now I'm feeling terrified over everything around me. Every time someone stands behind me, I get the feeling like they're looking at the laptop's screen, laughing at me or mocking me for being such a shit head. I know it's not real, but I can't help it when I keep seeing and hearing things all over. I just want to be put in a box, with no one inside, just me and me alone, no sound, no light, no air.
I just want this to be over.. I wish if I can just die and make ppl happy about it.
So I have survived 2013, now onto 2014. Another torture session begins.
Please, make it stop. Because I can't.
It started getting worse since yesterday, around New Year's Eve. For some reason I started feeling rather lonely, then tired, unmotivated. Couldn't even finished a picture which should have been done for X-mas because I was being so fucking unmotivated and lazy. Then looking at ppl's art summary even made it worse because I just can't make anything useful. Yeah some would say don't push too hard but I can't just be a fucking ignorant and think highly on all the shit I've made, because they're really shit. Watching ppl enjoying the night even made it worse because I couldn't do the same, even though I tried, I really tried. I just didn't know how or why. Then I got really tired and crashed into bed at midnight.
So I decided to start a new day with a small gaming session with the game that I always have trouble playing: The Witcher. It's like the 10th time that I tried to play the game. And as usual, I can never sit for over 30 minutes. I don't know why but there's something about the game that I just cannot get. Every time I play it, it feels like I'm getting some sort of emotional abuse. I have read guides, browse for threads and reasons/tips on how to enjoy TW1 but they never seem to work for me. And I don't know what's wrong with me. I loved Morrowind and Dragon Age: Origins, how come I can't enjoy this one. I've heard good things about TW series and what CDProjektRed is doing, but I just can't get this. Some would say "stop playing then" but then I'll get tortured by my own fucking brain over the things that I "hear" in my head, like I just fucking sucks and cannot value great games, piece of shit etc etc.. I don't want to give up but it just feels so fucking horrible trying to do something like this.
Right now I'm feeling terrified over everything around me. Every time someone stands behind me, I get the feeling like they're looking at the laptop's screen, laughing at me or mocking me for being such a shit head. I know it's not real, but I can't help it when I keep seeing and hearing things all over. I just want to be put in a box, with no one inside, just me and me alone, no sound, no light, no air.
I just want this to be over.. I wish if I can just die and make ppl happy about it.
So I have survived 2013, now onto 2014. Another torture session begins.
Please, make it stop. Because I can't.
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Monday, 23 December 2013
Just another small update
I'm being a nocturnal thing again.. for the hundredth time or something. But this time I have a reason: my sis and her kid wake up in the morning and go to bed in the evening, and I'm sure that neither of them want to see dicks flinging back and forth on my screen, so yeah...
Aside from that, I've finished with the test render, around 2k samples but still several red and grey noises, prolly need more work if I ever fancy physics-based lighting again:
I'm also working on 2 other Poser renders, one is almost done, just need "some" major postworks... The other is pretty much an idea based on the upcoming holiday, though I've gotten a sample pose done for reference. Here's hoping I can nail it within a week.
Other than that, I can't stop listening to this song, been a fan of Röyksopp for over 2 years now:
Aside from that, I've finished with the test render, around 2k samples but still several red and grey noises, prolly need more work if I ever fancy physics-based lighting again:
I'm also working on 2 other Poser renders, one is almost done, just need "some" major postworks... The other is pretty much an idea based on the upcoming holiday, though I've gotten a sample pose done for reference. Here's hoping I can nail it within a week.
Other than that, I can't stop listening to this song, been a fan of Röyksopp for over 2 years now:
Saturday, 21 December 2013
6 months...
Took me a long while to get my lazy bum off the depression and started doing stuff again. So I started out with this:
Also I've been learning how to port DAZ content over Poser, pretty fun stuff. I've learnt a lot and now I'm learning how to cook LuxRender :> This might allow me to make better stuff in the future... I hope.
Also I've been learning how to port DAZ content over Poser, pretty fun stuff. I've learnt a lot and now I'm learning how to cook LuxRender :> This might allow me to make better stuff in the future... I hope.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Eye-candy
Well, it seems like I'm back after a looooooong nap. Broken hard drives, emotional breakdown, those stuff are all over... for now. So I decided to test my rusty skills on 2 new renders, so enjoy:
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
I hate ants!!
Normally I'd try to save or at least let any kind of buggers walk out, even ants. I'd just shake and put that stuff down onto the ground and watch them walk away. But this time, they asked for WAR!!
Seriously, little fuckers asked for it! I was sitting and surfing the web when I realised that there were ants on the table. I never saw any till now so I went and checked for any suspicious place, only to found out that there were a bunch of them surrounding my HDD. I opened the housing part, and saw that they were coming in and out of the small air vent from the internal drive!! Damn! I have no idea why. I don't eat messy around the HDD, no food trace either so I can only come up with the theory of the HDD's chemical scent or eletricity or the temperature. Either way, I sprayed Raid on the floor and put the drive down, hopefully that'd kill them.
Ugh.. I really need to back up things fast, just in case the internal drive dies. Ohh my 1TB drive :((
Seriously, little fuckers asked for it! I was sitting and surfing the web when I realised that there were ants on the table. I never saw any till now so I went and checked for any suspicious place, only to found out that there were a bunch of them surrounding my HDD. I opened the housing part, and saw that they were coming in and out of the small air vent from the internal drive!! Damn! I have no idea why. I don't eat messy around the HDD, no food trace either so I can only come up with the theory of the HDD's chemical scent or eletricity or the temperature. Either way, I sprayed Raid on the floor and put the drive down, hopefully that'd kill them.
Ugh.. I really need to back up things fast, just in case the internal drive dies. Ohh my 1TB drive :((
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